8/30/2019 3 Comments
New Phases, Next Stages
Wrestling With Staying Put Or Striving Out
I left Denver on a high (no pun intended). I had made memories + connections like I never have before + like I never expected I would. I departed with a heart full of all the goodness of Christ + a head full of ideas, hopes, plans to come back.
But transitioning back home was hard. Transitioning from busy days filled with a constant presence of people + places + plans to a slow murmur of sitting at home, sauntering alone, silent living. I felt like all of the gains I had just made in my life relationally, personally, spiritually had just come to a halting, screeching stop.
My thoughts have been scattered with doubts. My mind is reminding me of the plans I had to travel the world, to see new places, to meet new people. I shouldn’t be wanting to return to the same place again… or should I?
What if God is calling me to settle down + establish roots in a single place at such a time as this, in such a place as this? Can I continue to love a place if I’m living life with the same people? Is this why He placed me in Colorado — to draw me back in? Was Colorado just another destination to meet + connect with new people for the heart movement, head memories, high moments? Or was it planting a seed for a further flourishing in the garden of His plan?
The time spent home didn’t last long because I was soon off to another location — back to my university. I had lots of mixed emotions going in, mainly due to the fact that I hadn’t been back on campus in almost a year. Getting back into a routine of balancing long days full of lectures, work, and studying with the numerous leadership responsibilities I had taken on was daunting. Not to mention this underlying, irrational fear that somehow I had been forgotten by everyone I previously knew due to my prior semester’s absence.
This fear + stress coupled with all that God taught me this summer about intentionality + relationships came together smoothly, satisfyingly, splendidly — because I stepped out of the way + let God do the work. I think I’ve met + established connections with more people on my campus in the past two weeks than I had the previous two years. That fact would have been overwhelming + horrifying to me then. Praise God for that heart change! Not only have I gotten to deepen relationships with individuals whom I only knew a name, but I’ve also met new friends whom I’ve never known before. By opening up + extending friendship like Jesus did, I’ve come into contact with people that I never would have otherwise. Isn’t that what the Kingdom should look like anyway? I want to befriend the people who have a completely different history + who may have been on a totally divergent trajectory, because they very well may be the ones who need someone in this moment the most.
Maybe that’s why I’m here + not in Denver now. For such a moment as this. To reach out to these people + for them to teach me. There’s a time + a place + a season for every part of life (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8); this we know. But I am currently learning to not yearn, dwell, linger on pieces that previously were because then I miss the pieces that currently are — that are coming to be — by God’s guiding hand. I’m praising + thanking God for what He’s done, watching + listening for what He’s doing, and waiting patiently + eagerly for what He brings next — whether that be something familiar or something entirely new.
Papppaw & Meemaw
8/30/2019 09:28:37 pm
Oh, how we rejoice with you for this new and exciting path which you are traversing now at Winthrop. Sometimes it is easy to mistake the common occurrences of life and not discerning the holy, beautiful and joyous glimpses of His glorious plan unfolding. Sometimes when we take the time to reflect retrospectively of past events and experiences, we then begin to literally see how His divine and gracious Hand has been guiding and ordaining our steps!
9/1/2019 04:32:17 pm
I'm really glad you took the time to share this with us - your times of transitions this year - and what God was and is teaching you about yourself, and what He is and has been doing in your life. It's been really exciting to see your growth on many levels this year. It's clear to me that God is using you and is preparing you for greater service to Him. God will accomplish all He intends because of your willingness and desire to be His hands and feet in this world. I commend you for your servant's heart and introspection. Thank you for taking the time to share all of this (your blog) with us!
9/2/2019 12:37:01 pm
I really enjoyed reading your blog. I’m so excited to see how God is using you and working in your life. It’s good that you’re listening to God, and making friendships that you can share the Gospel with. I’m so proud of you and love you!
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